my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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