Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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