I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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