I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
