You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
