i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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