i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
