i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
