69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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