dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
