cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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