I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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