I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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