There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
