I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
