Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Found the puke drawer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
