does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
