What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
so much tequila, so little girl.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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