just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
