Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My ATM looks so different sober.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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