the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
