Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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