his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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