I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
