It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
