I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
