Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
