I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
