wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
