elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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