it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
