....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
