Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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