Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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