My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
