I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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