So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
