new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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