those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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