If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
