Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
