i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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