I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
