Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
