My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
