She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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