When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
