Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Barsexuality is the new black.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
