i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
