Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
