I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
