Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
