No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
