GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
