Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
