I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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