Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
