so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
