I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think i peed on brittanys purse
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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