i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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