Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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