I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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