Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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