I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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