Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
