We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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