fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
