just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
