I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
