I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
