I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
