after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
